Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize