Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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