it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
