my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
