i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
