I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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