The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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