Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk is not a location!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
