***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
