she looked like the before picture.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
