are you still at the devil's house?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
