Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
