Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
