i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think my vagina is haunted
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
