I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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