A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
