Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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