is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
