oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
