Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's rum buckets o'clock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
