i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
