I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need a beard to bite.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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