I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
