I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
