debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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