what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
