don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
