Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
