Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
