Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
