A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
