the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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