some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
