Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
