Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
