Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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