Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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