my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
