I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
