dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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