Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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