I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
