Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
