Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
