he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
