Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
