too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
