I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
