the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
