he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
