Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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