i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
