how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
