Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
