I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So many bounce houses so little time
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
