I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you bring me the toilet please
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
