why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
