So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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