The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
