doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
