In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
