there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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