Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
