I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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