please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
