He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
