So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
