There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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