The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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