You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
