so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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