I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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