You smell like stripper and shame
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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