You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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