Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need water and some morals
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
