I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
