Yo dont text me then not text me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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