Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
