your thong is hanging out like whoa
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
